What am I doing here?
Okay, I have to admit that I made a really huge mistake. This isn’t really for me. Who am I kidding? Have you ever had that moment in your life wherein you feel that you are so lost?
Yes, I’m lost. I was strayed from the path that is supposed to be mine. I made the wrong turn and now I ended up in the wrong place.
No matter how I tried, I can’t get myself to be interested in this field. All these talks of politics and state relations……OMG, I just couldn’t relate to it. Like, who cares about peace keeping? I’ve got enough problems on my own to deal with. Who cares about such long verbose laws? It’s just oh-so boring and lame (no offense to the people who are into this field). And I feel so stupid and dumb person every time I can’t answer basic simple facts about it.My mind suddenly goes all blank.
I’m just not into it. So what am I doing here?
I used to love jargons. You know like, Adenosine triphosphate, fuselage and dura mater. At least they make sense. I just don’t get it why simple common terms like instability, imperialism and R2P will not get inside my thick head! It’s frustrating.
I don’t understand why people argue over something that is purely abstract and theoretical when there is a concrete object to experiment about.
That brings me back to my question: What am I doing here?
I feel trapped. I’m wrong, alright but I honestly don’t know why, in the first place, I chose to venture in this path. What made me chose to traverse such a boring road?
Enough of the pretense. For the first time in my life, I will now acknowledge the fact that INTERNATIONAL STUDIES IS NOT ——- AND WILL NEVER BE ———— MY THING.
Where did the future neurosurgeon go? That person who used to be a burgeoning researcher ——- what is she doing now? What will become of this person who keeps on trying to fit in a place where she doesn’t belong?
You know what the most tragic thing is? That is, to deprive your heart of the happiness and interest you deserve. I hope it’s not yet too late for me to escape from this prison. I hope it’s not yet too late for me to do what I really like…
Where am I? What am I doing here? I’m lost…